Healthy Emotions; on helping your child identify & release them in a healthy way.
I should have known it was coming. In the midst of the busy grocery store the cry echoed. It felt like all eyes were on us. Some looked on disapprovingly. Others averted their eyes, clearly embarrassed for me, while a few moms and dads smiled, knowing all too well the feeling behind a public tantrum. If I didn’t understand what was going on inside my son, I might have had all the feels; embarrassment, anger, frustration, self pity, desperation, etc. And believe me, I’ve been there. But as I learned to understand the nature of my own emotions, my perspective of them changed. My new sight trickled over to see children (and tantrums) in a whole new light.
Before I get into the nitty-gritty of how I encourage my 4yr old to meditate and take on life as a mini yogi, I must first lay the proper foundation. It’s the topic I hear so much exasperation about; emotions. It seems that in our left-brain society, we put an emphasis on controlling our emotions. They are painted to be a natural nuisance; bothers that must be tethered and only the ones we label “acceptable” are allowed to be seen.
However, emotions are an integral part of the human experience. They are teachers that reveal our values and how we perceive life. Learning from our emotions can reveal what areas need growth, tender pruning, paradigm shifts, and/or release. Learning to work with emotions rather than against them is vital for optimal self growth.
E-motions are energy-in-motion.
They carry vibrational frequency that releases from our bodies in whatever ways we were taught how. Perhaps we learned to release anger through sound by yelling, or physical exertion such as hitting or fighting. Shedding tears in crying is a natural human response to sadness and discomfort, by letting the e-motion flow from our bodies via water. Most of us are familiar with laughter indicating joy and humor. Some people sing, dance, or jump when they’re happy. These are all ways of releasing emotional energy.
The goal is to meet the emotion, recognize the lesson, be thankful, and send it on it’s way without judgment.
That last part is key. There’s no benefit in judging ourselves or our children for feeling anything. In fact, I now appreciate the child’s instinct to relinquishing this energy. Stifling it, bottling it up, or pushing it down into the subconscious only causes greater damage. Here it will fester and inevitably bubble up, only now as a potent, poisonous concoction. Our role as parents is not to teach them how to shut away or turn off the feelings society deems “negative”. There are no “bad” emotions.
Our job is to demonstrate our acceptance and understanding of emotions, and how to release them in healthy ways.
Yes, that means we need to come to terms with our own nature too.
Below are some of the techniques we’ve had great success with, and I implement them just as much as my child.
Talking about it. This might seem like a given cliche, but it really has made such an impact in how Remy processes and understands himself. I’ve realized through talking with moms that many children show difficulty with identifying their emotions. As a grown man, my children’s father admits he still struggles in this area. We started off right away when Remy began talking, but I firmly believe children of any age can and will benefit from introducing this. This is usually how the event unfolds for us:
Remington displays some sort of typical emotional release through crying, raised voice, fist clenching, facial expression, foot stomping, etc.
I ask “It appears you’re feeling some big emotions, is that true?” I always ask, because I never want to demonstrate imposed judgement. Most times I’m right on, as most parents would be, but this shows him the example to communicate for clarification.
He almost always responds “Yes”. If not, I leave it alone as an example of respect.
If yes, I prompt “Would you like to talk about your feelings?”
Most of the time he does, and he’ll go on telling me what emotions are running through him. At first, he needed guidance on what certain emotions feel like. At that point, we would talk about what triggered his feelings and then I’d run through a list of possible emotions that would fit with a brief explanation of what each one meant. Anger, frustration, irritation, sadness, hurt, etc. We also discuss what happiness, silliness, and other fun emotions feel like but I’ve found discussion over the others has provided the self realization needed to move through life’s kinks rather than around them.
If he does not wish to discuss what he’s feeling, I leave it at that. I usually throw in something like “I respect that. Please remember that we talk about our feelings so we can understand ourselves and eachother”. But I never push. Even if I want to. This demonstrates respect and children really learn so much through example.
After he identifies the emotion, I prompt with “Why are you feeling that way?” He’ll then tell me what situation triggered the emotion, and we can focus on a solution or understanding from there. Often it involves redirection and reminding him that he can influence how he feels by how he decides to interpret things. That plants the seed that through personal development, he has power over what emotions prevail in his life.
Now, it’s indescribably satisfying when my four year old comes to me without any prompting and says “Mom, can we talk about my feelings?”.
That’s when I feel like a winning momma!
Vocal Yoga. This may sound strange or cheesy to some, but it’s had an incredible impact in our home. I first learned about vocal yoga through one of my favorite music artists, Peruqoius. She is a musical goddess, and most of her vocal yoga work is geared towards women. I wasn’t able to find the CD online, but perhaps through some deeper searching you’ll come across it. I’ve listened to her teachings via the Spotify app.
Vocal yoga is based on the notion that since emotions are energetic, and energy is vibration, we can release the emotional energy through sound waves expelled by our mouths.
Our voice is an incredible blessing and can be utilized in so many ways.
There are many different sounds that resonate with the various emotional frequencies, and I urge you to research it if you’re interest in vocal yoga. I will not include them here for length purposes. You can also make up your own sounds to go with each emotion, or none at all, and simply focus on the intention of releasing the identified emotion.
Physical Exertion. This is a natural one for all of us. Releasing emotional energy through physicality is probably one of the top used methods, even if we don’t know we’re doing it. Often, we pair the action with what we’re feeling, so if its something like anger, the instinct for children may be to hit or enact some other form of violence. It doesn’t have to be this way! Many are aware that running or working out is a more beneficial way to expend the energy. I like to get Remy dancing, since it gets him outside of the typical self conscious comfort zone. I tell him it’s time to dance it out, and put on one of his favorite songs (one of the few reasons I love cell phones being so handy!). Again, if he doesn’t want to dance, I don’t push. I simply provide him with another option. If he wants to sit and witness the emotion for a bit, I respect that too.
It’s always about respecting the child; they are tiny people who learn how to treat others by how they’re treated.
Art. This one is one of my favorites! As an artist and illustrator, I take whatever chance I can to get my kids in front of art materials. Sometimes I’ll prompt him to draw what he’s feeling, but occasionally he feels better just by doodling whatever his little heart desires.
Writing. Remy is still working with phonics and how to write letters, so this isn’t one we implement yet. It is another one of my favorite tools though for myself, since I’m also an author and writer at heart. The feeling of releasing emotion through words and ink is so freeing, and I often have a great piece of text or poetry when I’m done. Sometimes its just barely legible scribbles, and I usually like to burn these ones as a symbolic gesture of release.
I hope you’ve enjoyed these ideas and have fun implementing them! If you do, I’d love to hear about your experience or success. You can email me by clicking here, or visit my social media pages via instagram or facebook to be featured.
Happy emotional release!
Bright Blessings,
Mother Woods